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うんこ 

お前の顔、アップルパイの匂いするな。
お前の吐き出したバター、隣の犬が舐めてたぜ。
お前がガム噛んでる時の顔、ふやけたブルドッグみたいだな。
お前の血尿でマウンテンゴリラが餌付いてたぞ。
お前、鼻からかっぱえびせんみたいな物体が出てるぞ。
お前、いっつもひじき食べてるな。
お前、林家パー子に半笑いされてたぞ。
お前の普段着、宇宙飛行士みたいだな。
お前の吐き出した小さいこけし、質屋にだしたら店員に殺されかけたぞ。
お前の口から「デニム」って単語がでただけでみんな大爆笑だぞ。
お前のいれてる悪魔のタトゥー、ヒッポリット星人にしか見えないぞ。
お前の手持ちのポケモン、何で6体全員、片目が潰れてんの?
お前のスケジュールがヒロミGO!44のスケジュールと完全一致したぞ。
お前、何でアクエリオンのCMみるたびに過呼吸おこすの?
お前と女子高生を一緒の部屋に入れておくと女子高生がみるみるうちに萎んでいくのって本当か?
お前の行ってたテコンドーの道場って宗教詐欺団体だったらしいぞ。
お前の手帳、クリスマス以降ずっとうんこマークだけどクリスマスに何が起きるの?
お前が前向いてる間に、後ろで老人たちがお前にちょっかいだしまくってるぞ。
お前の巻いてるターバン、馬刺しの



ピンポーン


誰か来た。僕は受話器に出て言い放った。
「只今、テスト終了後の開放感で、あんたと関わってる場合じゃありません。
家でスッパムーチョ食べながら死んでてください。」
最近のセールスはしつこいからね。今度来たら真面目にぶっ殺そうかな。

基本的に試験は殺し合いだと思っている。紙面上での真剣勝負。先生と生徒が唯一本気で殴りあう場所こそ試験におけるテスト用紙だ。先生たちは巧みに生徒たちの脳を予想し答案をつくる。生徒たちはそんな先生たちに一発でも多くの攻撃を喰らわせるために勉強する。問題が解ければ先生を刺した気分になる。スラスラバンバン解ければ八つ裂きだ。僕はよくテスト勉強中「殺す…殺す…」と呟いているが、それは別に恥ずかしいことじゃないと思う。要するに、恥ずかしいということだ。

今回、テストで一位をとろうと思い立ったのは国語で「詩」、保健で「薬物乱用」など僕の得意分野が含まれているからだ。
狙うとしたらこのタイミングだと。

みんなから殺されかけてて、友達居なくて、引きこもってて、汚くて、死んだ方が良くて、そんな僕が1位をとったらあの子はどんな顔するかな?(きっと、オレンジジジュースかと思って飲んだら、胆汁だったときくらい険しい表情)

「不登校=勉強なんてできるわけない」の常識を覆したら、てめーらどうするんだよ。
僕は別に頭良くない。
僕はすごく馬鹿だけど、馬鹿でも定期試験ならやりようによっては1位とれるって知ってました?
要は戦略と力の入れどころ、そして、最後に勝るのは基本、努力。
勉強の要素って、戦略と努力で95%を占めるんだそうですよ。(血を吐き出しながら)


今回の作戦は決して
「全国の引きこもりやいじめられっ子を勇気づける」
なんてちっぽけでうんこみたいなエール目的ではない。
ただ学校の「意味」を消し去るため。
ただ充実した高校生たちの生きる「意味」をぶっ潰すための作戦なんです。
やるだけのことはやってみました。あとは奴らをビビらせられるか。それだけです。



そろそろ
動物たちが
靴を履く
時代が
やってきます
お前らは
靴を
履きますか
僕は外を見ずに
不幸になれます
吉田は
上崎に
殺されにいった
青木龍一郎でした
こんにちは
いっぱいいっぱいの応援コメント
本当にありがとうございました。
スポンサーサイト
[ 2007/12/07 21:05 ] 日記 | TB(0) | CM(72)

おつかれさまでした
お前は最高だ
[ 2007/12/07 21:08 ] [ 編集 ]

お疲れさま。
高校入ってから先生八つ裂きにしてないな~(/_;)

最後の詩、好きだ。
[ 2007/12/07 22:07 ] [ 編集 ]

お疲れさん。俺は最初から期待してないから安心してね。←悪口じゃないよ
いきなりの一言ネタ連発に度肝を抜かれたけど、とにかく面白かったw
[ 2007/12/07 22:52 ] [ 編集 ]

おぉー…一週間ぶりに、青木龍一郎のきちがい文を読めた…。
私はもはや、中毒者やな…。
[ 2007/12/07 23:06 ] [ 編集 ]

おお久しぶりだ

↑と同じく中毒になってます
[ 2007/12/08 00:03 ] [ 編集 ]

お疲れ様でした。
[ 2007/12/08 00:05 ] [ 編集 ]

更新待ってたよおおお、
お疲れ様!!
[ 2007/12/08 02:08 ] [ 編集 ]

青木君お帰り!待ってたよ!お疲れさま。
[ 2007/12/08 03:56 ] [ 編集 ]

理由が聞けるとは思ってもみなかった。
聞かせてくれてありがとうね。
相も変わらずいっぱいいっぱいなコメンツしかできませんが、
それでもよければこれからも応援させて頂きます。


おかえりなさい、うんこやろう。
[ 2007/12/08 04:20 ] [ 編集 ]

これ好きだわ。
お疲れ様、そしておかえり。
[ 2007/12/08 07:31 ] [ 編集 ]

テストお疲れ様!
虐げられてる者の反逆? 逆襲? みたいな感じが伝わってきた。
これが本音トークだと思うね。
[ 2007/12/08 08:41 ] [ 編集 ]

努力は報われるから大丈夫。


自分は世界中の人とホルモン熱唱しながらハトを抱きしめて世界平和を願います。
[ 2007/12/08 10:17 ] [ 編集 ]

待ってたぞーおかえり。
[ 2007/12/08 11:49 ] [ 編集 ]

感動した
[ 2007/12/08 16:03 ] [ 編集 ]

お疲れ様です☆
それと,
おかえりなさぃ(*´∀`)♪゚
[ 2007/12/08 21:08 ] [ 編集 ]

おつかれだようんこ
[ 2007/12/10 08:20 ] [ 編集 ]

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