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メロンソーダー、コカコーラー。 

新年度だぞう()。
新年度だぞう()。
新たな年度が始まって一週間以上が過ぎたぞう。
今年度も僕は友達ができなかったぞう。




新年度が始まって一週間以内にグループを作れなかった奴は一年間孤立する。
どうやら今回も僕の一人舞台となりそうだ。


うちの高校の入学式だってあった。
僕は、今年新たに入学してきた高校新入生と1年前の自分の姿とを重ね合わせることができなかった。



なんでか。


奴らは笑ってたからだ。
奴らはがんばろうとしてたからだ。
奴らの目は新たな希望で輝いていたからだ。
奴らの目線は真っ直ぐと華やかな未来に向けられていたからだ。


一年前の僕は号泣していた。
一年前の僕は自殺しようとしていた。
一年前の僕は既に絶望に体中を切り刻まれていた。
一年前の僕の目線は斜め45度下の地獄に向けられていた。




おい、教えてくれ。


お前ら、なんで笑ってんの?



なんで?
なんで?
なんで?



みんな笑ってる。
でも、僕は泣いている。


中学の先生は「高校には新たな希望がある」って言ってた。
言ってたんだよ。









先生、あんた嘘ついてんじゃん。


僕は「あるわけねーだろ」と叫び、自らの椅子と机を窓から放り投げ全教室を回ってテレビをつけてまわった。
卒業式の花のアーチに殺虫剤を撒いて回った。
そして「お前ら全員死ね」とわめいて校門を出た。




だけど、実は少し期待してた…。   ←マジキモい
先っちょから否定してた希望だったけどどこかで期待してたんだ。
もしかしたら、高校で僕の人生は少しくらい良くなるんじゃないかと。
もう、みんなに邪魔されなくてもいいんじゃないかと。
もう少し静かに生活できるんじゃないかと。
楽しいみんながニコニコしてる詩をかけるんじゃないかと。
1人くらい友達ができるんじゃないかと。










その1ヵ月後、トイレの水にまみれて教室内でみんなにボコボコにされてる僕がいた。













おいおいおい…(笑)
















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希望無い。
希望無い。
希望無いよー。











今年の入学式。
新入生たちは桜にまみれて笑ってたんだ。



僕は校舎裏で泣きながら一人、コカコーラーを飲んでたんだ。
僕はその隣でメロンソーダーを飲んでてくれる人がいるって思ってたんだね。
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[ 2008/04/19 22:24 ] 日記 | トラックバック(-) | CM(140)

高校時代が人生で一番楽しかったよー^^とかぬかしてた大人はみんな死ねよって思う
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学校は牢獄だとしか思えません。
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学校が牢獄なんじゃない
お前自身が学校の囚人になっちまってんだよ
[ 2008/04/20 03:14 ] [ 編集 ]

青木君は決して学校を牢獄と否定してるわけじゃないんだよな。
じゃあ、何してんのかっていうと説明つかん
[ 2008/04/20 09:29 ] [ 編集 ]

中学時代を思い出してしまったw
[ 2008/04/20 16:50 ] [ 編集 ]


ほんとうの友達は2学期にできるものだよ!
[ 2008/04/20 17:44 ] [ 編集 ]

友達できないとか超ウケるんですけど。
てかコカコーラーとかマジ美味いんですけど。
[ 2008/04/20 23:34 ] [ 編集 ]

一週間で友達なんかできるわけないじゃん。
[ 2008/04/20 23:58 ] [ 編集 ]

自分と合わない奴と友達でいるよりも独りのほうがいいと思う。
て思ってると僕みたいになっちゃう。毎朝自分の机とジャージを探す僕みたいに。
つーか青木くん高二なんだね。
[ 2008/04/21 00:44 ] [ 編集 ]

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私が沢山いるではないか




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