リンチ、のち戦争。 

地元の小学校に全裸で突撃。
すごい形相で校長室に迷わず突き進み校長に一言。

「拡声器プリ~ズ」

校長は恐怖に脅えて、ブルブル震えた手で僕に拡声器を渡した。
拡声器をゲットした僕は小学校から飛び出した。(途中すれ違った小学生を2~3人ブッ飛ばした。)

駅前まで再び全裸で全力疾走。
駅前で演説する猿の集団を全員、爆弾でふっ飛ばし、演説は僕の番となった。
拡声器をケツに突っ込み僕は大音量で叫んだ。

「この屋根や~ね~!!」

僕はその瞬間、20~30人くらいの老若男女による激しいリンチをうけた。
「ごめっ…ちょ…マジで…ちょ…ごめっ…ほんと…」
僕は血を噴出しながら謝罪を続けたが一向に聞いてくれない。
4~5人の若い男はかなりの憎しみをこめて僕を殴った。蹴った。撃った。
もう、これは死んだなと思ったとき急にリンチが止まった。そして老若男女たちは一斉に笑い出した。

「何て面白いギャグなんだ!ギャハハハハハハハ!!」

みんなは笑い狂った。
一方、僕は子供が産めない体になりました。





ここで現在、ヨーロッパのベラルーシで行われている第3次世界大戦(セレブとヤクザと全面戦争)の真っ只中で武器ももたずにひたすら走り続けているホームレスの吉田くんと中継が繋がってます。吉田くーん?


吉田「はい。吉田です!今、私のところが戦火の真っ只中で私の四方八方を弾丸が飛び交っており  ます!」
青木「あなた、武器何ももって無いですよね?よく死にませんね?」
吉田「ハイ。僕は戦場の中を丸腰で奇声を上げながら走り回ってますから!」
青木「走り回ってるだけでよけれる状況なんですか?」
吉田「なんか、大丈夫です!」
青木「そうですか。異常な運の良さですね。それ、戦争してる人たちにとっては非常に邪魔くさいのではないですか?」
吉田「アハハー。そうかもしれませんねー(笑)!」
青木「笑ってる場合なんですね?」
吉田「いえ、僕の周りでは続々と死体が誕生しています」
青木「それは怖いですね。本当よく当たらないですね」
吉田「ハイ。どんどんヤクザが死んでいきます!」
青木「あっ、セレブ優勢なんですか。まさかの展開ですね。」
吉田「ハイ!」
青木「でも、もう死ぬのも時間の問題なんじゃないですか(笑)?」
吉田「そうですねー(爆)!もう死ぬかもしれないっす!(泣笑)」
青木「今も走り回りながら喋ってるんですか?」
吉田「ハイ!もちろんです!」
青木「弾、当たりませんか?」
吉田「弾、当たりません!なんか、もう僕の体をすり抜けてるんじゃないかとさえ、思えてきましたよ!」
青木「まさに奇跡です。奇跡のたま(弾)ものです。」
吉田「戦争中だけど、今からオレンジジュース飲みます!あー、やっぱり戦争中に飲むオレンジジュースは美味しいなー!ちなみに僕は戦争反対です!人がたくさん死ぬのは悲しいですからね!っていうかこのジュース本当、美味し…ウギャッ!」
青木「どうしました?吉田さん?」
吉田「弾が…弾が…」
青木「弾、当たったんすか(笑)?え、何?死ぬんですか?」
吉田「う…うぐぅおぁ…」
青木「戦争にオレンジジュースなんか持って行くからですよ(笑)」
吉田「た…たすけて…」
青木「いや、僕、日本に居ますから助けられませんね。それでは最後にカメラに一言お願いします」
吉田「お母さ…ん。ホームレスになってごめんなさい…。また、あなたの作ったカレー…を…食べたかっ…」
青木「あの、すいません。テレビカメラの方を向いてもらえますか?」
吉田「え…」
青木「いやですから、吉田さん?吉田さーん。」
吉田「…」
青木「…」
吉田「…」
青木「以上、ベラルーシから現場の吉田くんがお送りしました。」
スポンサーサイト
[ 2007/09/02 20:29 ] 日記 | TB(0) | CM(65)

チョー面白えー!!
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吉田くぅぅぅうん!!!!!
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吉田…(´Д`)
[ 2007/09/03 01:54 ] [ 編集 ]

よっしーったら……
[ 2007/09/03 08:09 ] [ 編集 ]

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